I have never been more inspired than I am now and nor have I ever felt so creatively alive. The best thing I have ever done in my creative journey was to start thinking about myself and what I wanted to create.
From the start my goal was to create, interact and experience art and photography with people in a way that would project each persons individual and true being without the use of added fluff, unrealistic distractions and false illusions. Not sure where I went wrong but I choose no longer to try to figure it out. Perhaps I am misunderstood or maybe what I seek is just too close to reality, (?). Or maybe I just do not know how to make that connection I have been trying to make.
It has, (and in a small way still is), been a very hard emotional transition for me to come to terms with having to make a change from a mindset of seeking and wanting human interaction to a mindset of thinking the total opposite of that, disengagement. Out of those two options I realized that I could either succumb to the dependency of people in order to create and allowing it to control me and my creative growth or I could continue to create regardless of anything and everything.
More than ever my artist name, ” One on One Art”, makes more sense now than it ever did before. Coincidence?
After a long and painful period of confusion at being unsuccessful, I did not want to fight it anymore and I did not want to allow myself to become bitter towards my work or myself and so I turned the camera around directing it onto myself. Having decided to turn the camera around, awakened my senses and slowly tapered the bitterness that was collecting in my soul of not being able to create because that is all I want to do, it is what I need to do. In any case, who says I am supposed to only create with others to do what I love to something I cannot live without doing?
I do not want this to get confused or compared to that of making a jump into self portraiture as being a form of meditation or medicine or about finding myself as it is not. For me it is about creating, being creative and bringing creative ideas to life. I cannot see myself any other way and I am not ashamed to say it.
These last few months I have been focused on pinhole photography and boy has it been fun and interesting. Everything that I have had as an idea and have sketched down on paper have now transitioned from it being a “person” as the main character and subject to it now being myself as the main character and subject. It has been challenging trying reformat my ideas to that of a single self-portrait image, but I love challenges.
Maybe I am on a hopeless road that will lead to nowhere or maybe I will attract and affect somethings along the way. However long this state lasts, I will take it.
I hope you enjoyed this post and thank you for listening.